hey.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-03-05T21:30:00

2006-03-06T03:31:31Z

new lj. "alixandrie"

barneycalhoun @ 2006-03-01T18:36:00

2006-03-02T01:00:10Z

"So, fine," she said, exasperated, "you've got her. You've got her, and you'll get married and it'll go on, and you'll kiss her, but it won't be the same, will it?"

He didn't say anything. her hair was back in a simple ponytail. He preferred her hair long, but he loved it, just the same.

"It won't be the same at all," she answered for him. And she was right, and he knew it. But he'd be goddamned if his marriage would be ruined. Too much was riding on it. He'd worked too long for it. Worked too hard for it. How could he let this one simple thing sever all the ties he'd worked so hard to re-tie?

She gave him a tired, long-suffering smile, and he realized that he ought to have known that smile. He was disappointed and a little ashamed to admit that he didn't know that smile. In fact, he didn't really know anything about her, but that she had lovely long hair and lovely eyes, and goddamned, she was such a good kisser.

"What the hell am I doing?" She asked aloud, now dangerously close to tears. And she knew she shouldn't have been, but she couldn't help it. She felt like an extreme unjustice was being served. She had no right to feel that way, it was his choice, his life, his his his.

He swallowed. "I have to marry her."

"You don't have to do anything."

"I can't help it that you were playing Hamlet while I was--"

"But now! What about now?!"

"What about now?"

Tears glittered in her eyes, and she shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and he knew that she wasn't supposed to be. She was never supposed to be.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-27T20:20:00

2006-02-28T02:20:33Z

"what could possibly be funny?"
"i put the diamond.. in the coat. i put the coat on her!!"

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-26T22:36:00

2006-02-27T04:35:09Z

"smile, you son of a bitch!"

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-24T18:44:00

2006-02-25T00:46:48Z

He still thought of her, sometimes; the way she'd looked, the way that things had fallen into place that evening, the stupid pick-up line he'd used. How cold it had been.

And yet, he couldn't meet her gaze, even when he knew she was giving him a cold stare as he passed her. Something in those gun-metal grey eyes told him he'd never be forgiven. And maybe he didn't want to be.

Part of him longed for her again. She'd told him it was all right, and she'd meant it. And what had his last words been to her? Something feeble, stupid. Fumbling and not caring.

He was filled with apathy. Filled with it. So why did he catch himself looking at her, sometimes? Thinking of her the way he wasn't supposed to think of her anymore?

Maybe he'd loved her once, but only a little. Only for an evening.

It had been cold, then.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-18T21:03:00

2006-02-19T03:02:18Z

this song was accidentally on a CD i made, and i accidentally heard it today. i really loved it. whatever.

i'm sittin' here, all by myself;
just tryin' to think of something to do.
tryin' to think of something, anything,
just to keep me from thinking of you.
but you know it's not working out,
'cause you're all that's on my mind.
one thought of you is all it takes,
to leave the rest of the world behind.

well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did.
and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did.
and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did.
and you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

i'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me.
but the more I think, the less I believe it,
and the more I want you here with me.
you know the holidays are coming up
and I don't want to spend them alone.
memories of Christmastime with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own.
i know it's not the smartest thing to do,
(we just can't seem to get it right)
but what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight.

well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did.
and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did.
and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did.
and you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

i'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar.
but with all my inspiration gone, it's not getting me very far.
i look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you.
oh please, baby, won't you take my hand?
we've got nothing left to prove.

and I didn't mean to meet you then,
when we were just kids.
and I didn't mean to give you chills,
with the way that I kiss.
and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did.
and you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.
don't say you didn't love me back, 'cause you know you did.
no, you didn't mean to love me back,
but you did.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-16T22:03:00

2006-02-17T04:02:47Z

Silence filled the vacancy between them, the only thing able to, it seemed.

Elizabeth let it go on awhile, letting him take it all in, not wanting to wallop him too hard. "And an attempt on my life was made," she added casually, turning toward the window again.

Before she knew it, Benny had come across the room, grabbing her by the shoulders, though not roughly or angrily, just firmly, turned her around and said, "What?!" His eyes searched her face for an explanation rather desperately. "What did you just say?!"

Beth's stony disposition cracked, then; all defenses she had built up against the situation wilted and died. "He grabbed me as I was walking down Sixth," she stammered, "pulled me into an alley and held a gun to my head. It was shaking, he could hardly hold it steady. Then he said some things to me," She recounted the story rather quickly, "things about you."

"What things, Elizabeth?" Use of her full name, duly noted.

"He asked me," hesitating, looking away, "how often I was left alone."

Silence. Examining her closely, though not with suspicion.

"And to tell you how lucky you are," a whisper.

"I don't need to be told," another whisper.

bookmark

2006-02-16T13:07:50Z

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-15T20:59:00

2006-02-16T03:00:45Z

it shouldn't have been important, but it was. ohhhh was it ever.

i think it's stupid that we are being forced to go on a senior trip.

i wish i'd had the opportunity to be in the 6th period photo-graphy class today.

kfg;kjs;dfh;fghjoijoirhj!!!!!1

TV sucks.

i'm probably going to do poorly on tomorrow's chem. whatev.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-14T07:09:00

2006-02-14T13:07:56Z

He had made a request for his usual escort, the one from his days on the circuit, to meet him at the pier by way of the Green Line bus.

As always, she was late.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-12T07:38:00

2006-02-12T13:36:38Z

1) Time Now: 7:13

Personal
2) Name: ICL: tda, android18, ghastly.
2b)IRL: corrinne
3) Nicknames: the lucas, dastoops
4) Birth Date: 21st of august.
5) Age: oneseven.
6) Childhood Not-So-Secret-Anymore Secret: i always pretended i was a talking cat. also, i often played phantom of the opera with my two neighbors. i was christine.

Family
7) Parents' Names: the chris and the sharon.
8) Are Parents Divorced?: i'm sure some are.
9) Live With Mum, Dad, Both, or Other?: both.
10) Siblings: two.
11) Name and Age of Siblings: grace 13, matt 11.
12) Related to Any "Famous" People?: my uncle richard ought to be.
13) All in All, is Your Family Large or Small?: huge.
14) Name One Odd Thing About Your Family: uncle johnny.

Pets
15) Have any pets?: yes.
16) Dogs: HATE!!
17) Cats: 2
18) Fish: i had a giant aquarium, once, but the fish stayed in jersey when we moved to michigan.
19) Other: tonto isn't mine. but he keeps on seducing me.
20) Names and Species: le chats: kitty and dusty (RIP LUNA FKLJDSFKLJSD - need a Lutwo.)
21) Favorite Pet: luna (once known as banana)

Favorites
22) Favorite Color: black.
23) Favorite Cartoon: sailor moon, the simpsons.
24) Favorite TV Show -{Not Cartoon}-: seinfeld, law and order SVU (& CI).
25) Favorite Season: fall and summer.
26) Favorite Day of the Week: ass day.
27) Favorite Month: october, december, august.
28) Favorite Animal: meows.
29) Favorite Food: pasta, i guess.
30) Favorite Drink: pina coladas, coffee.
31) Favorite Person: avalon.
32) Favorite Time: 0:00-4:00.
33) Favorite Thing: caleb (my xbox), antiques, makeup (specifically mascara), suicidekittens.
34) Favorite Songs: broken record - scarling. city noise - scarling. caribou and cake - scarling. IOU - metric. grow up and blow away - metric. the twist - metric. [ &more. ]
35) Favorite Bands -: scarling. metric. jack off jill. deftones. muse. cardigans. neutral milk hotel. rasputina. [ &more. ]
36) Favorite Music: rock.
37) Favorite Fruit: strawberries, peaches, blueberries, raspberries.
38) Favorite Emotion: lust.
39) Favorite Book/Author: the tommyknockers - stephen king.
40) Favorite Artist: [none listed]
41) Favorite Actor: adrien brody, cillian murphy, kenneth branagh, anthony hopkins, jack nicholson, orlando bloom, eric bana, russel crowe, james d'Arcy, tom hanks, mel gibson, chris kattan, ewan mcGregor, matthew broderick, christopher walken, jeff goldbloom, ray liotta, will ferrel, liam neeson, john cusack.
42) Favorite Actress: julianne moore, jodie foster, winona ryder (a shame), nicole kidman.
43) Favorite Movies: the pianist, king kong, the producers, hannibal, the village, troy, the shining, memento, hide and seek, from hell, men in black, armageddon, insomnia, shackleton, when a stranger calls (the OLD one), i robot, identity, the others, master and commander, saw, house on haunted hill, while you were sleeping, seabiscuit, IT, the sixth sense, signs, she-devil, anchorman: the legend of ron burgundy, sleeping with the enemy, mission to mars, LOTR: fellowship, LOTR: two towers, LOTR: return of the king, harry potter: sorcerer, harry potter: chamber, harry potter: prisoner, one hour photo, what lies beneath, the terminal, the stepford wives, k-19: the widowmaker, the crucible, beetlejeuse. (p/s YES, i did NOT include harry: goblet.)

This or That:
44) Love or Hate: hate.
45) Up or Down: down.
46) Left or Right: right.
47) Forward or Back: forward.
48) Fast or Slow - fast.
49) Black or White (Not Skin Color) -: black.
50) Heaven or Hell: hell, only because i want to see satan "rolling on a fiery lake" -hafrickingha.
51) One or Two: two.
52) Cat or Dog: cat.
53) Mum or Dad: dad. (sometimes mom?)
54) Rain or Sun: rain.
55) Water or Fire: water.
56) Cow or Monkey: both suck.

Hates
57) Top 6 Most Hated People: any and all sex icons, moronic "atheists," moronic "gays," and three kids from school.
58) Most Hated Color: yellow.
59) Hated Style: punk/goth/emo/whatever the fuck they call themselves.
60) Hated Food: bologna.
61) Hated Word: anything with "izzle" (except neitzkizzle :/ )
62) Hated Place: church.
63) Hated Month: april.
64) Hated Day: "singles awareness day." fuck you guys. you're being a stupid whore. valentine's day rocks.
65) Hated Emotion: jealousy.
66) Hated Season: winter.

Styles
67) What Style Are You, Punk, Goth, Loner, Prep, Popular...?: that one girl.
68) What Style Do You Wish You Were?: i am that style.
70) You Think Your Style Will Change?: not too much.

Obsessions
71) Obsessed with a Person?: gadrien.
72) Obsessed with a Game?: fable is actually rivaling half-life.
73) Obsessed with a Character?: barney calhoun, james gardener.
74) Name Your Main Obsessions: bumblebees.

Religion and Beliefs
75) What Religion are You?: atheist.
76) Believe in God?: no.
77) Believe in Satan?: no.
78) Believe in reincarnation?: no. but it's fun to speculate.
79) Even if You Don't, What Would You Be in Your Next Life?: i would be a cat. and everyone knows it.
80) Believe in Magic?: no.
81) Believe in Ghosts?: no.
82) Believe in Life on Other Planets and Aliens?: i believe in low forms of bacteria on other planets.
83) What's Your Outlook on Life?: it's what you make it. most of the time.

Cars
84) Drive Yet?: yes.
85) What Kind of Car do You Have?: a saturn. it's not really mine.
86) What Kind do You Want?: any car will do.
87) What Color?: black.
88) If You Could Have a Custom Lisence Plate, What Would it Say?: kit10.

Love
89) Dating Anyone?: no.
90) If So, How Long Have You Been Together?: [none listed]
91) Crush: who cares?
92) Believe in Love at First Sight?: absolutely. it's called "infatuation."
93) Believe in True Love?: sure.
94) Have You Found True Love?: no.
95) Married?: no.
96) Where Would You Like To Go On Your Honeymoon?: hawaii?

For The Girls
97) Soul Sister(s): avalon.
98) Guy You Like: blech. no one.
99) If a Guy Likes You, What Should He Do?: tell me?
100) If You Could Ask a Guy Anything, What Would it Be?: "what is your favorite color?"
101) If You Could Change Something About a Guy, What Would it Be: people are the way they are. you can't really change that.

Children
106) Have Any Kids?: never.
107) How Many Kids Do You Want?: none.
108) At What Age Would You Want Children?: late thirties?
109) What Would You Name Your Daughters?: Circe, Paige, Jeanette
110) What Would You Name Your Sons?: Caleb, Chester

Song Lyrics
111) To Your Love/Crush: x
112) To Your Parents: x
113) For a Friend: x
114) Your Theme Song: x

Final
115) Think This E-mail Was Annoying?: no.
116) Should There Have Been More Questions?: sure!
117) Want Your Friends to Send This Back?: i'd read it if they did it.
118) Who's Most Likely to Reply First?: nobody! it's not an e-mail, fool.
119) Who Probably won't Reply?: hahaha the mason.

120) Time Now: 7:30

Other
121) Favorite Number: 18
122) Ever do Drugs?: no.
123) Ever Smoke?: yes.
124) Ever Drink?: eh, a couple times.
125) Are You a Virgin?: the world may never know.
126) Favorite Quotes: "too little or too much?"
127) Best Advice You've Ever Given: "grow up."
128) Best Advice You've Ever Recieved: "keep things in perspective." - le uncle richard.
129) Favorite Word: bitchrod, bitchwhore.
130) Where do You Want to Live?: new york city or los angeles.
131) Best Friends?: the mason?
132) Leader or Follower: a leader, but i don't like to walk in front.
133) Serious or Delirious: both.
134) Favorite Video Game: half-life, fable, half-life: blue shift, sailor moon: another story, duke nukem 3D, splinter cell, legend of zelda: OOT, legend of zelda: MM, megaman 64, super mario all-stars. [& more.]
135) Favorite Chat Face: :x
135b) Least Favorite Chat Face: :-), anything with a freakin' nose.
136) Favorite Chat Symbol: <3
136b) Least favorite Chat Symbol: XD
137) Personal Symbol: <3
138) Hobbies: cinema, writing, killing, destroying, Half-Lifeing, FABLEing, getting hugged, wearing a ton of mascara, tidying, going to goodwill, finding things.
139) Self Theme Songs: vivica - jack off jill
140) Most Annoying Thing: attention whores.
141) Last Place You Went: school. for show choirbleh.
142) Last Thing You Ate: some triscuits?
143) Last Thing You Drank: water, about to be coffee.
144) What Grade Are You in at School?: s-s-s-S-senior!
145) Current mood?: tired.
146) Mood You're Most in: a little bitchy.
147) Mood You're Least in: excited.
148) Most Hated Music Type: whiny-boy punk / country
149) Left or Right Handed?: right.
150) Person You're Most Like: my dad, peach girl (hahahaha)
151) Hair Color: the blondest.
152) Hair Length: perfect.
153) Eye Color: grey.
154) Height: 5'2 or 5'3
Time You Finished: 7:38

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-10T16:55:00

2006-02-10T22:53:23Z

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-10T06:43:00

2006-02-10T12:43:19Z

&can't wait to get her new debit card from her knew bank.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-09T21:16:00

2006-02-10T03:22:10Z

1) i hate when people don't think.

2) i hate what happened today, which is, my mom didn't come get me at the Y until 545, i had to miss my singing lesson, and we were waiting forever. then ym brother wanted to go to rhino and get a stupid game. i said NO. i had forgotten my knee brace and my knee was like lsfjdfjf and i just wanted to go the fuck home. so, he starts fucking crying and goes, "i've been waiitting." sobsob. and i was like, "WHAT THE FUCK, you JUST WENT THERE TWO DAYS AGO!" but that's not what i said, i said, "well, we all have to wait for things." and my mom goes, "well, it's okay, we can go." and i was furious. fucking furious.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-08T06:32:00

2006-02-08T12:31:06Z

so, i'm switching banks. luckily, it shouldn't be any trouble, as i've only got 4.03 in my account.

way to save/spend frugally!

edit: what the hell, so this kid died doing that thing that will mancini used to do to freak me out, holding his hands against his neck until he lost enough air to pass out. i always told him it was dangerous, maybe now he'll learn.

except he never learned, because he got his next girlfriend pregnant. a girl quite ironically named corrinne. i guess he wanted a corrinne who was a little stupidier than I was.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-02-03T06:53:00

2006-02-03T12:56:51Z

there was a guy in my dream, to whom drue introduced me. the guy seemed to really like me. he was all right, i didn't really care for him one way or another, but suddenly things changed. drue started hitting me, out in the open in this field that the three of us had been taking a walk in, and the other guy didn't do anything to help, and i wanted to fight back but i just couldn't. max hammond happened to be driving by at the right time, and he pulled over. tires screeched. he helped me into his truck really quickly, but there wasn't really a need to rush, because drue was already sulking back toward his house. max pulled away from the side of the road and sped off to nowhere. the friend of drue's tried to chase the car, but i didn't want to see either of them ever again. i burst into tears, but only because i was embarrassed. max said it was all right, but nothing else. the drive was very long, and he dropped me off at a place where i locked all the doors and cried a while.

it was a thing that seemed very real, at the time.

for my own reference.

2006-01-30T13:07:44Z

http://allmenlikebirdsmustdie.com/shop/tees/rocknroll.jpg

http://www.suicidekittens.com/suicidekitten3/bikemulti.jpg

http://www.suicidekittens.com/suicidekitten6/pockpinkmulti.jpg

http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=85&osCsid=2495900197795ed6c103e8ec1fc93516

i hope this one wouldn't make me seem all emo-ish. haha. http://www.scarling.com/images/store/shirts/mixtapeblacklg.jpg

http://www.qwantz.com/merchandise-stickers.html

hate science! love this teeshirt! http://www.qwantz.com/shirt_science.png

and this one!! http://www.qwantz.com/shirt_trex.png

http://www.killthe8.com/metric/pages/3746/**NEW_:_Autographed_METRIC_Poster_Pack**.htm

http://www.killthe8.com/metric/pages/3294/1._METRIC_Girls_

http://www.killthe8.com/metric/pages/3282/2._METRIC_Girls_

REALLY THIS: http://www.killthe8.com/metric/pages/3462/METRIC_Collector's_Combo.htm

there is a Kill Hannah tee shirt i want, but i'll spare you seeing the grossest of models!

http://www.loralie.com/images/Huge/7438h.jpg (i like that all the way to where it looks like they just got tired of making the dress and said, "hey, let's let the lining show through. yeah. YEAH, AWESOME."

http://www.loralie.com/images/Huge/7490h.jpg (yeah, well)

http://www.loralie.com/images/Huge/7451h.jpg (yeah, this one too.)

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-25T21:39:00

2006-01-26T03:36:50Z

i won't care, even if you want me to.
that's not my nature, that's not the way i do it.
i would rather just go on avoiding you,
but i've decided i've got to take a word with you.
this was always so emotional!
all i must do is say what i have to say!
i'd be fine to just go on avoiding you.
i predict that you'll learn to adjust.
you don't have to admit that we made a mistake.

i want to see you
walking away from me!
even i admit
that you might
tempt me
with words that--
FUCK!
a risk i'm not willing to take
anyway!

you must feel like you've lost out.
i've bent over backwards, made believe, to fit your stupid needs!
and i can promise that i've learned so much from this situation about
what not
to do!

forget my name.
lose my number, and don't even think to ask for me again.
don't ask around, or put me down.
i'll make sure it comes back to you threefold.
just shut your mouth, keep your fucking nonsense,
and act like nothing ever happened!
throw out my stuff, burn my letters!
i wouldn't want to plague you with my memory!

fair weather fuck!

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-24T21:54:00

2006-01-25T03:54:03Z

it sucks.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-23T16:53:00

2006-01-23T22:52:27Z

i was furious. absolutely furious. i could feel my face growing red and i was hot all over. i fucking hate him.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-18T22:29:00

2006-01-19T04:29:05Z

his hands were trembling.
we both were crying.
he kissed me gently,
and then he quickly walked away.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-17T17:59:00

2006-01-17T23:58:04Z

it snowed.

i wish my luck would change. i do what i can, nonetheless.

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-16T23:04:00

2006-01-17T05:02:37Z

"why would i write a play for you? isn't it obvious?"

i hate when guys are like, "sorry to bother you, don't mean to bother you, sorry i IMed you i'm bothering you" lkjsfdljksdf SHUT IT. if you were bothering me, i'd pretend i had to go. EDIT: and I think i'm a huge idiot for every time i've ever done it. god, what a stupid cunt i must have been.

this is important.

2006-01-11T13:04:49Z

barneycalhoun @ 2006-01-09T06:51:00

2006-01-09T12:51:38Z

LISTEN. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF "SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY?" "GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES?"

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT. YOU WHINE AND GRIPE AND MOAN ABOUT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN, AND YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. AND WHEN NUMEROUS PEOPLE TRY TO GIVE YOU ADVICE AND HELP YOU AND BE THERE FOR YOU, ALL YOU CAN DO IS COME UP WITH SOLUTION AFTER SOLUTION AGAINST ANYTHING THEY SAY. SHIT SUCKS FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU SIMPLY DO NOT TRY. IT'S A HARD LESSON TO LEARN, BUT YOU EITHER NEED TO FOLLOW SOME OF THE ADVICE PEOPLE TRY TO GIVE YOU OR LEARN TO BE HAPPY WITH THE WAY THAT THINGS ARE. I HAVE, AND LET ME TELL YOU, PEOPLE AREN'T GETTING FRUSTRATED WITH ME BECAUSE ALL I DO IS COMPLAIN AND THEN DO NOTHING.

SHAPE UP OR GET THE FUCK USED TO IT.

damn it.